Lately I’ve been feeling quite a bit of anxiety. I still haven’t signed a contract, and part of me doesn’t even want to. I’m so paranoid of getting stuck in a bad job again that whenever I think about going back to work, I shut down. The fear has become quite paralyzingly.
I’m usually a pretty motivated person. I get up in the morning and am ready to go and get things started. But lately I wake up, and I just lie there in bed. I get up to eat, and then find myself back in bed contemplating my old job, and dreading the new job I haven’t even started yet.
I worry if I can handle this new job. It’s still part time, but I will be working some evening and weekend shifts. I will have to work a ten hour day. I also worry that this will be a really busy place, and I will be pressured to see more patients. What if I can’t keep up? What if the stress flares my lupus?
This morning there were a few texts in my morning devotional that spoke to me.
“Anxiety in the heart of a man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” Proverbs 12:25
“Instead you ought to say ” If The Lord wills, we shall live, and do this or that”. James 4:15
” When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.” Psalms 94:19
I think my anxiety and fear about this new job is starting to make me depressed. And what I forget is that God has a will for my life. If I have faith, I don’t need to worry about the future. I don’t need to fret about this new job. Whatever God has planned for me is exactly what I need.