Tag Archives: Relationship

My Story: Part 8- Faith

I think the the part of my life most affected by my diagnosis with lupus was my faith. At the time before my diagnosis, I was on a roll. I was doing really well at work, was in the running for chief resident, on my way to becoming a licensed physician. I had a really awesome boyfriend and flourishing relationship. My body was getting in shape and I was confident. I felt good about myself and my life. I felt powerful, and I felt like my life was finally in complete control. I was self reliant and could do everything on my own. I didn’t need anything or anyone because I had it all.

But then it happened. I was diagnosed with lupus and my whole world came crashing down. I no longer was in control of my body or my life. And that’s when I realized I needed God.

Now, I grew up Christian and attended church weekly for the most part. Religion was always a part of my life, but it was something I just did out of habit, maybe even out of guilt or obligation. It was never really a personal thing. There were times when I had felt close to God, but it wasn’t constant. It was only during times of need.

And now another time of need presented itself. But this time it was very different. I had never had an issue in my life before that would cause such a drastic and complete change in my life. And here I was completely lost, and life was completely out of my hands. But it was in God’s hands. He was in control. It didn’t mean that life would be easy, but now I knew I had Someone who cared for me and could heal me.

Through the blessings and the trials my faith in God grew. I would like to say that my faith is and was always strong, but that’s not the truth. As I got better, I would start to feel
like I didn’t need God again. Or when I was feeling really sick or hopeless, I would doubt God’s love and plan for my life. But as time has passed, and I have witnessed the healing and the love, I have learned to trust in God and His purpose for my life.

I know that we all have different beliefs, but I wanted to share mine because it’s such an important part of my life. It is not my intention to push my beliefs on anyone else. My personal relationship with God has formed the person I am today and has developed my perspective on life.

For those of us who are believers, I think it’s very important to be strong in our faith and continue our support for each other in prayers. If anyone would like to be added to the Prayer Corner, please let me know.

My Story: Part 4: Love

My boyfriend and I had only been dating for a couple months when I had been diagnosed. He also was a resident so he had an idea of what the disease meant. Neither of us really knew what a life with lupus meant, but we knew it would not be an easy one.

I remember one day driving with him to a wedding a few hours away.The conversation of having children came up. If I had a kidney biopsy, and things looked pretty bad, I may have to be on medication that could possibly prevent me from having children. With the anti-phospholipid antibodies, even if I could get pregnant I may not be able to carry a pregnancy. And then there was the concern for my own health, having bad flares during pregnancy. We talked about freezing eggs, in vitro, surrogates, and adoption. Pretty heavy stuff for a new relationship, but I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page. I didn’t want to get too attached, only to have him realize it was too much to handle and leave. He had told me before that he really wanted to have children, and that passing on genes was the purpose of life. I told him then I would understand if he wanted to end ┬áthe relationship.

He did the opposite. Instead of running away, he moved in with me four months after we had started dating. I was having trouble with some of my daily duties. After work, in the evenings, was the worst time for me. I’d come home so exhausted, I couldn’t prepare food for myself. Forget about cleaning. Some days my fingers hurt so bad I couldn’t pick up a dish or brush my hair. Other times, I couldn’t get on and off the toilet, or out of bed without assistance. He made a bold move moving in with me, knowing he’d have to care for me. But that’s how I knew he was a keeper.

The next few months were tough for me, and I’m sure they were rough for him too. I know there were times when he’d considered giving up, and moving on. But he stuck by me, and even married me three years later.

I know things don’t always work out that way, but I do believe in a God that provides. I believe things happen for a reason, and I believe whatever happens in our life, we should never give up. Not on life, or love, or ourselves. We always have to hope.